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Why Don’t We Celebrate ___?

Posted on November 29, 2012 12:00 am by TheAngelForever

Tis the season where boys and girls all around will be thinking about the holidays that they celebrate. Of course, it can also be a time where children start to question why they may not celebrate something that a friend does. My youngest entered kindergarten in the fall with a large appreciation for being Jewish because he went to a religious nursery school program for two years. Although many of his classmates would observe Christmas with their families, the classroom only did crafts, activities, and stories about Chanukah. This year will be very different and he will learn a lot about other customs and celebrations.

A school project for the kindergarten kids is to make “Family Holiday Banner” to share with the class. Each member of the family has to participate and represent their favorite part of the holiday within a traced hand. Then, around the banner, the child needs to add items that would tell more about the traditions our family enjoys during the holiday season.

This made me wonder: Will JSL come to me this year and ask why we don’t celebrate Christmas like the majority of his classmates? Perhaps it will be, but luckily we already had something like this with NHL and I wrote about it for a former project that I am including below.

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As a Jewish mother, I always wondered when my children would start to ask questions about the holidays. More specifically, I was curious if they would ask why we did not celebrate Christmas.

As a child growing up, my friends were always jealous of me. They thought it was so much fun since Chanukah was celebrated for eight days. Eight times the presents is likely what they thought! From time to time, they would come over and light our menorah with us. It was also a lot of fun playing the dreidel game with piles of M&Ms for everyone.

My parents have always put up decorations for the Festival of Lights. When in elementary school, I was also the child that refused to complete art projects that had to do with Christmas. I was not being disrespectful, quite the opposite. I was proud of my Jewish roots and wanted to make something special for my family and our holiday. Still, I must admit I always thought it was so neat to decorate a Christmas tree and go caroling (which I often did with my neighborhood best friend).

NHL is seven and now seems to be unfazed with the constant reminders of Christmas when out and about. He understands that most of his friends at school celebrate this day with their families and we do not. Of course, two years ago this was not the case. While in kindergarten, NHL asked TechyDad and me why we did not celebrate Christmas. We told him that we are Jewish and because of this we do not celebrate. At the time, he seemed to accept that, but days later we realized it was not the case.

While wandering around one of the malls, NHL asked to go into where Santa was sitting. It looked like fun and he wanted to be able to check it out. We explained to him that we are Jewish and do not get photos with Santa. The string of why questions that resulted floored us. NHL was observant and saw that Christmas decorations were in every store, around the homes outside, and songs for the holiday were playing constantly.

When at school, there were children that tried to tell him Christmas was better than Chanukah. My heart sank for my son. Being in the minority this time of year is rough as a child. I wanted to shield him from this. I asked what he said. My smart little boy told him that Christmas and Chanukah were both special. He told the other child that he liked Chanukah because we light our menorah, sing songs, eat with our family, and get some presents.

To help, most years I ask NHL’s teachers if I can send in some dreidels and chocolate to play the dreidel game, along with some fun new Chanukah music. I think it is important that NHL shares his traditions with his classmates.

Do you talk to your children about different holidays that are celebrated during this season and beyond?

Disclosure: Parts of this post were previously published on a project I worked on. The text is mostly the same, but I placed a new introduction to go along with a topic that continues to be important for families.

Categories:
holidays looking back parenting

Thankful for Answers

Posted on November 19, 2012 12:00 am by TheAngelForever

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for something that many people may not understand. It involves my son and answers that we have been searching for for at least five years. Of course, these answers took a lot of time, energy, frustration, tears, and wanting to give up. Still, TechyDad and I could not give up. WE are the best advocates for our children and knew that we had to do more to get answers for our family.

It is finally time to share this information in a public way. We have our son’s permission because he wants other children and adults to understand. He wants kids to know why he does things a certain way that is different than most of his peers. He genuinely wants people not to bully kids like him for being “different” than others. It isn’t every day that you meet a young child that adores math and will talk your ear off about all things related to science, math, Legos, Harry Potter, and other items. His love for these items is intense, as is his need for order, schedules, and following rules. When an item upsets him, his emotions are deep. Certainly not something you would expect from a young child. His fears are that of an adult and not what a nine year old should be thinking of.

A Little History

Countless doctors, lots of specialists, and many meetings at school left us feeling lost. We knew that we had to do more for our sweet, smart, and very innocent son. Each year, he seemed to get more lost in the system, sad, and withdrawing from items. Last year, I made the call to our insurance company. I cried for help to find someone someone to help us get real answer. We were given the name of a Neuro-Psychologist to contact. Appointments for specialists take time, but what was a month or two at this point?

This woman did not judge. She was professional and made amazing observations in the classroom, during testing, and again when looking at all of her data. Although reading her report broke my heart, a weight was lifted. Finally, we could begin to really understand why NHL was reacting to things the way he did.

The Final Answer

In the end, the doctor came to the conclusion that NHL has Asperger’s Syndrome. In other words, he has high functioning autism. He is part of the 1 in 88 children that are diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum. This was what I suspected years ago, but medical professionals would say yes, no, yes, and no over the years. This time, in my heart of hearts, I knew that she had the right diagnosis. It made sense, it all added up, and it would allow us to move forward with a new plan.

Autism is an answer to my prayers. I can now understand why certain things at home and school never really worked. My son is autistic, but it will not define who he is or who he becomes in the future. Yes, I am thankful to finally know more about the how and why of NHL’s responses to things.

I am also thankful for amazing professionals that we have found in the last few months since we got the diagnosis. They have given us a breath of fresh air. We know we are not alone in a later diagnosis and they have been great to bounce ideas off of. The special needs community does not judge, they embrace others. When we have a rough day, they help to make us smile with a story of success. They share resources and other items that have worked with their children. I hope to do the same here as well. My goal in writing this is to educate others and remind parents who are still searching for answers NEVER to give up on your child. You know your kids and truly are their best advocate.

The biggest item I am thankful for this year is my son’s happiness. NHL is genuinely happy these days, so much less anxious, and more focused. With social skills work and additional items, we are seeing growth in a lot of areas. We know how to work around things that may trigger an emotional response. We are also working hard to help educate other people in his life as well. It is often hard for us to understand everything, so I get the confusion.

Please remember that when you see a child crying or having what you consider a tantrum in a public place not to judge. Autism is not something that you can see at a glance. It may seem like a defiant or bratty child, but it is most likely a very scared kid who is overwhelmed with the neuro-typical world that they are living in.

It's Me

Looking back: I actually did write some items about this in the past. I had forgotten about them, but in a search found them. All I can say is WOW.

1 in 96 boys (September 2007)
Louder Than Words – Book Review (January 2008)
Strange is as Strange Does (June 2012)

NOTE: The Autism Awareness ribbon icon above was created by Melesse and comes from Wikimedia Commons.

Categories:
looking back parenting

The Homework Help Balance

Posted on November 15, 2012 9:48 am by TheAngelForever

Homework is the expected norm for all school age children. Heading into kindergarten with my youngest in September, I was well aware that times have changed and things would be very different. Skill building begins early and reinforcement is expected at home. As a teacher, I used to give out my fair share of homework and long term projects for students. Now, I am being shown the other side of the picture. Thank goodness neither of the boys have a lot of homework. JSL is still at the age that he thinks it is fun and with any luck it will stay that way for a while.

Recent homework made me think about a post I had written for an old project that is very relevant these days. I would love to hear your strategies for helping children to be successful with homework and working on independence.

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Do you remember having homework in elementary school? I have to admit, I do not really remember anything until second or third grade. The reality is that children entering kindergarten will begin to have small amounts of homework. Most of the time, it will just be something small to instill good study skills, reading, or reinforce something learned that day.

When my oldest was in kindergarten, most nights he simply had to read. When finished reading books, they were asked to do “book reports” that had the kids drawing their favorite character or writing a simple one or two sentence summary on why they did or did not like a book. The rationale was to promote at-home reading and have 100 books completed by the end of the school year. This was no problem for my son, who completed that goal before the end of the winter.

In first grade, we had worksheets and weekly spelling homework. Some evenings, there would be math skill practice; other nights, reminders of grammar being taught. Spelling was the same almost each week. Monday night was grueling. They were asked to write a sentence for each of the new words. This was not hard, but my son did not want to be bothered. He would try to get away with writing the most simple sentences and not challenging himself. As a teacher, I knew he was able to do more and tried to push him. I once talked to his teacher about it. She agreed that asking NHL to do more was not too much to ask.

In addition to nightly homework, projects will also come your way. Whether a science project, book report, or diorama about a holiday, they will be coming to a house near you. While in first grade, my oldest son came home with the task of creating a Leprechaun trap. Oy! The wheels in my head immediately started to turn with ideas. Still, I stood back and asked my son for ideas. We went to Michael’s together and looked for items to decorate his box. When we got home, we put everything on the table, and he let me know how he envisioned the Leprechaun trap. There were a few times that I suggested a few changes for logistics, but it was all his. I wanted NHL’s teacher to know this was his project and not something that Mommy made. Trust me, as a teacher, we know when the projects are done by the student and/or other adults at home. We see writing each day, so when something completely different comes in, it will be noted. Finding just the right balance to help your child, while giving them the chance to work on their own can be tricky.

How do you assist your school aged child with homework/projects while also allowing them to do their own work?

Categories:
parenting school

Teaching Kids the Value of Money

Posted on November 8, 2012 12:00 am by TheAngelForever

Money is something that is hard for adults to understand at times, especially working on budgets. That does not mean that we should not teach our children the value of money, how we earn it, save it, and buy something. Two years ago, I started to think about this topic and as we head back into the holiday season, think this topic is quite relevant.

The holiday season is coming. With that, kids will start to make lists of items that they would like as presents. Budgets continue to be tight in a lot of households. This made me think about teaching kids about the real value of money.

What does a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, or dollar really mean to a child?

To many elementary aged children, it may not mean much. They understand that items have prices. They see that we exchange money for services or goods. Still, do they understand what a dollar can really get them and how much time is needed to earn said money? The answer is most likely they do not. In school, teachers show children how to count currency. This is a great start, but real world lessons may work best.

My oldest son is now in fourth grade. When he was in kindergarten, we were planning our first family visit to Walt Disney World. TechyDad and I decided to try something. We did not want to do a traditional allowance system with NHL. Instead, we had goals for things that needed to be done. We rewarded him with specific coins to put away for Disney. Our theory was that he would have the money that he earned to spend on something he wanted, no questions asked. He quickly learned that his desires could not be obtained with the funding he had. NHL was proud of the Mickey Mouse wallet he bought and made a goal to earn more money for something larger next time.

When I was about NHL’s age, I know I received an allowance. I do not really recall what I did to earn my money. I believe it may have been taking care of my parakeets. What I do remember is learning to save money for items. I set goals for items that I really wanted. For over three years, I saved up for my own television. Then, I pooled money for my first Nintendo system.

Through real world experiences, NHL is slowly learning more about the value of money. We keep integrating new items into the mix. One of the possibilities is an allowance.

Does your child have an allowance? If they do, what types of chores do they do and how do you determine the proper amount to pay them?

I would love some input since many of us are probably curious about the same thing. I have to admit that I am not too sure about a traditional allowance. I tend to think that each family member has responsibilities that need to be done within the house. Still, I know having money to earn was a HUGE part of growing up for me.

Categories:
Disney parenting

Baby Dolls for Boys

Posted on September 28, 2012 12:00 am by TheAngelForever

Rewind to almost six years ago. I was the mother of a three year old little boy and was busy teaching and trying to battle morning sickness. I was pregnant with my second child, waiting to find out if NHL’s sibling was going to be a girl or boy. There were many reasons I wanted to know, but one of them was to buy big brother his own baby to take care of. I wanted the baby to be the same sex as mine. When we found out that we were expecting another little boy, the hunt for a baby boy doll began. We eventually found a baby boy doll that NHL named several times. Eventually, Howie Harry stuck.

Last year, JSL declared that he also wanted a “Howie Harry” baby to take care of. At nursery school, the kids were playing with dolls and he often felt left out there and wanted a baby to take care of. Problem, there were very few boy dolls to find that were reasonably priced. Eventually, NHL offered to loan Howie Harry to JSL. This worked, but only for a short time.

Just before going back to school, JSL started to beg, cry, and say he would do anything for a doll. There was a difference this time. He did not care if the baby was a boy or girl. He simply wanted to be a Daddy to a doll that was his own. We tried to distract this desire, but it was not working. JSL fell in love with a doll that he saw at Toys R Us a few weeks ago. TechyDad and I finally agreed that we would get JSL the baby that he really wanted. It was a very early Chanukah gift, but he has his baby and loves her.

Many may ask why JSL needed a doll since he is a boy. My answer is simple, it meant a lot to him for a very long time. He wanted to take care of something like a Daddy and it does not hurt anyone, so why not?!

My question to you this week:

Do you have any name ideas for JSL’s new baby girl? He is having a hard time naming her. He wanted to name her Howie Harry, but we insisted that was a no-go. Perhaps something you suggest will be one that he adores.

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Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the linky there if you are participating.