Frazzled – that would describe the way I feel right now (so remember that when reading this). I am just back from the ER with the little guy. Just thinking about the events has me scared, unsure and crying. Here is a quick bullet list of things:

• Went to school this morning to pick up work for NHL (he’s been home all week with what we think is H1N1).
• When I got home the boys were running around, screaming, yelling and playing nicely. I decided to pay bills because the companies are not sympathetic about flu. I was just about to pay the ER visit bill from September when JSL fell on concrete when he came to get me to change his diaper.
• We went to the diaper changing station. I picked him up and he made a strange noise. He wold not let me put him down. Suddenly I noticed that his eyes were completely glazed over and he was looking right through me. My heart sank.
• JSL’s body tensed up, his eyes fixed over and I knew he was seizing. I quickly felt his body and it was burning up.
• I screamed to NHL to get a phone for me. Luckily I had my cell phone in the pocket. As I looked at my lifeless baby in front of me I called 911. This was the first time I was alone for a febrile seizure.
• JSL stopped breathing and I started to turn blue/gray. I was about to do rescue breaths on him when he started to twitch a little. I told the 911 dispatcher that I had to go and call my father to come to watch my older son home with the flu.
• Dad rushed over and was here right about when EMS arrived. I called TechyDad after I got off the phone with Dad. I guess he never heard that it was JSL and just knew we were likely heading to the hospital.
• I carried JSL to the living room and waited for the EMS. They arrived and he was barely upright. We put him on the couch and he refused to open his eyes. He was not responding. Even my father said he has never seen JSL like this after a febrile seizure. It scared the heck out of me.
• We went to the ER by ambulance and I listened as they tried to get an IV line into my baby. He screamed. They apparently got it in, but he pushed past three adults on top of him and it came out.
• Once again we went back to the ER that I love to hate.  We took his temperature there and it was 103.3 at that time. He got Tylenol and threw that up within 5 minutes. Motrin was given soon after and that stayed down.
• The resident came after what seemed like forever. He did a thorough exam. The attending doctor came quite a while later, saw JSL gagging (after trying Tylenol again) and said to keep him longer for observation. He NEVER touched my child.
• Our doctor’s office called and asked if they were doing blood tests. I told them no. I pretty much demanded it and was told nope, he’s fine. HELLO – my child has Motrin and Tylenol in him. He is not fine.
• So we left with no answers. It may be the flu shot from Monday, could be a virus, or could be bacterial. No idea and just told to give him more fever reducers to keep his temperature down. I have flashbacks of April when we left the ER with no answers and he had another febrile seizure the following night (2 in 30 hours).

On that note I best be off to wake the little guy. It is time for more Motrin.