My body is completely numb and my mind is still racing. Just before sitting down to eat dinner last night my worst nightmare came true again. Almost thirteen months after it happened before, JSL stopped breathing and turned blue.

One minute he was chasing after his big brother, the next he slumped over on the floor next to my legs. It all happened so quickly it seems like a blur to me.

JL and I were helping NHL to try on a new bike helmet. JSL was sitting on the floor behind my legs watching Sesame Street. Suddenly we heard JSL grunting. We thought he was a little constipated and doing his business. Then I looked a little closer and his head slumped forward. I picked him up and honestly thought he was gagging on something. I tried to do back blows and other things to get something out of his mouth. When I tried to reach into his mouth I could not open it.

This should have been a light bulb moment. Of course I was not thinking. I was in a panic. My 22 month old son was rapidly turning blue. First his face and second later his hands. His life flashed before my eyes as we prayed that the emergency personel would arrive soon. O could not get his mouth open. His jaws were clenched down on my fingers as I tried with all my might to get into his mouth. Then I noticed his entire body was rigid.

By the time everyone arrived, I was pretty sure he was not choking on something. I was positive he had another serizure. When the EMT came in he seemed a little warm, but nothing too alarming. Problem was, he was unresponsive. His eyes were glazed over and he was not respnding to my voice. The lights were barely on and nobody was home. We quickly determind that he had to go via ambulance to the ER. I sat on the stretcher with him in my arms.

The ride to the hospital was awful. Nobody said anything to me. They worked on their papers as I sat there talking to JSL. He was starting to respond some. If I asked where Mama was he was able to move his hand to point in my direction. He would also point to the lights inside the ambulance when I asked. Slowly he was showing signs of my little boy.

After we arrived in the ER and were taken to a room they did a rectal temperature. It may sound horrible, but I was relieved to see that he was extremely feverish. At that point his temperatuer was 103.5. JL and my mother were there with me as we waitied to see the resident. She came in and looked in his ears and checked him out.

Two hours after we arrived we were told it was time to go home. His temperature was down to 100.8 with Motrin. The part that leaves me freaked out – we do not know what caused the sudden, freak spike in temperaure. Actually, we do not know what continues to keep his temperature up. This morning it was up to 102. So today we are staying home, keeping him cool and rotating different fever reducing mediations to the little guy. Tomorrow we will follow up with our doctor to see if anything is suddenly visible in his ears or elsewhere.