It is official, I finally went to my first PTA meeting last night. Something came up in September and the second one was the evening that Yom Kippur started, so I did not attend those.The boys all stayed at home and I set off on my adventure ALONE. Imagine that . . . I actually managed to break away from all three of the boys! 

I am not too sure what I was expecting, but it was different. Not different bad, just different. The meeting was very casual and there were about 15 parents there, one teacher and the principal. I suppose this is the beauty of a small school in a very large district. Still I felt like an outsider. I think participating more and going to meetings will help with that, yet I am not entirely sure if I want to.

After just over a year of being a stay at home mom I found that something is missing, my identity. I seem to have become NHL and JSL’s mommy. Everyone at NHL’s school calls me "NHL’s Mom" – not my name. His teacher calls me Mrs. AngelForever, rather than my first name. Sure that is technically my name, but I think of it as more of my mother-in-law. In the classroom when I was teaching I was fine with my students using it, but this is not in that setting. I love being a wife and mommy, but I also need to know who I am now that I am home and no longer teaching. I was always upset that I never stayed home with NHL when I was teaching, I missed so much that I will never get back. As hard as it is sometimes I am glad I am home with both of my boys to see them grow up.

My plan was to get a part time job to earn some extra money and get some contact with other people. The trouble is timing. By the time JL gets home from work it is pretty late. In addition to this we had to factor the time gone, money earned, and gas purchased to get to a location. In most cases it was not worth the effort and lack of family time in the evening. I would love to tutor kids in science, reading or anything else, but that is a hard area to break into.

Blogging is great, but I need actual contact with real people before possibly going to Blogher 2009 in Chicago next summer. What I think I want to do is at least get involved in an organization to volunteer and socalize with other people locally. There is something that I have in mind. It happens to be a cancer service organization that I remember my mother always being active in while growing up. Perhaps I can get her to go with me again and another friend who has relatives involved. Maybe putting this out there will actually make me move and do something.

Hopefully my need for a complete bathroom rehaul and the state of the economy will not dash the dream to attend my first BlogHer conference.