Ever have one of those moments where you just want to slap yourself in the head? Yesterday was one of those days and I should have stopped it long ago.

NHL was diagnosed with seasonal allergies in the spring. He was put on a pediatric dose of Singular. I had been on it as an adult and had wonderful results. Of course at the same time NHL was put on it there was a lot of controversy with the medication and use with children. Our allergist noted the recent  studies and told us to watch and see if there were any behavior changes.

Back in April/May NHL’s teachers mentioned to me that he was acting different. He was more emotional, bothered by things more, and just not himself. When we went back to the allergist in August I told the doctor about this. I told him that it was hard for me to guess if it was the medicine or changes in his life. NHL was just finishing up at a school he loved and getting anxious about kindergarten already, so I had a hard time knowing.

The truth is things really started to fall apart in mid-August, just after our appointment. NHL cried for several days that he did not want to turn five years old. A huge red flag should have gone off in my head, but I was not thinking straight. I thought it was thanks to NHL being nervous about kindergarten. NHL never seemed happy, he was always tired, moped, emotions were high and low, and he was extremely impulsive. For the first time we were also having defiance issues.

When NHL started kindergarten things really blew up in our face. Since he started almost a month ago I have only had two days of slightly decent behavior reports. Yesterday was by far the worst. My son actually colored on his chair at school and when told to stop simply switched colors.

I was beyond mortified and frustrated. I did not know who this five year old child was anymore and talking to him was useless. I went home cried, put in calls for all of his doctors and went to my trusty Google friend and started to search about Singular behavior reactions in pediatric patients.

I quickly found this website and forwarded it on to my husband. JL honestly thought that I had written the June 1st entry since it was SO similar to NHL (just a few subtle differences). The allergists office called back within 10 minutes. He asked questions about the behavior. He did note that I had mentioned concern in August. I told him how things had intensified and I was frightened for my child. He asked if NHL was depressed. I told him about the birthday crying and how he hardly smiled these days, except for the smirk after doing something inappropriate. They called back again 10 minutes after the initial call and told me to STOP the Singular immediately and see if we note any changes in behavior over the next 2-3 weeks.

After that I e-mailed NHL’s teacher with the article and asked her to confirm if what was noted by the one parent sounded like my son. She agreed and thought we were onto something.

Most of the night I kept beating myself up. Why didn’t I stop this months ago? How could I do this to my baby? Why was easy breathing and allergy relief clouding my eyes from seeing the true problem at hand? Could this truly be the problem and wil it make things better so the new school can believe me that my child is not like what they have seen all this time?

Please, please, please learn from my stupid mistake. Always trust your instinct. You know your child best and need to be their advocate. Thank goodness I finally saw the light and hope that my sweet little five year old boy will be back in our life soon.

For JL’s view of things you can check it out here.